A woman that does not cook for herself, will not cook for a man. We'll look at the advantages and disadvantages of growing up in the digital age. Invasive or insensitive questions about the relationship, her personal life, or her background. 65 Likes, TikTok video from Ryan The Lion (@ryantrout1): "Me when my girlfriend doesn't want to hang out with me". I am crying because I was hurt of what he did! When a son introduces a new female into his world, mothers instinctually take caution, and fears and questions arise. A grandmother writes in asking for advice after she thought she was doing right by her son's girlfriend when she purchases all they could ever need for their now 7-month-old child. Thanks for stopping by! Unfortunately, that was the beginning of his down fall. Fast forward 4 years.he is dating her again and considering moving in with herughhh! Fifteen years from now, she'll be on oxygen and in a wheel chair. Required fields are marked *. There is more negative conversation than positive. They began dating when she was 16 and he 17. But if we could prevent that, if he could trust us his family who loves him unconditionally and forever, could he rethink this choice? "He doesn't like the situation," stresses Gorell Barnes. Once your son is older, you can only nurture him gently with love and support. Sometimes, there is no way to save your loved one from his mistakes (and life is for learning and one tends to learn best through making mistakes). He is smart. I can't undo what I said to my son about my concerns about the neglect and stealing of clothing. Now, my son has always been at the top of his class. She sounds like an extremely insecure person who needs to self-protect. She is very controlling and walks around like she is better than us or above us. She may even be jealous of your guy friends. I am right there with you! The signs might be clear, but most parents cant help but wonder why their kid is willingly dating a toxic partner. Many things are said that night including how the mother feels the kids should be able to make their own decisions and how her and her husband met in high school and are still together. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on July 27, 2010: Hi Laila, there is so much to know before I can really help. She pretends to be having no issue to me at times but I am concerned that this will have a negative impact on our relationship with her (mother) once we get married. They want to make their own decisions and live as they like. Do not be that bump! Sometimes, a young kid/man chooses only to see the good parts of a girl, totally ignoring the obvious red flags for a variety of reasons. A year ago he started dating this girl, at first I really liked her, she tried to be a mediator between my son and I and she was helpful and always got him home when I wanted him home That didn't last long. Taking Action In Your Sons Unhealthy Relationship. Kimberly Atkins from Cameron, NC on May 26, 2018: This article gave me a different perspective and some things to consider on my sons relationship. He is still dependent on us, only has a part time job, just finished school, starting uni and her influence of always needing him & her party lifestyle is rubbing off. If you continue to "keep away" from them, they will blame her for that so try not to stay away. I've been dating a guy for 2 years now and have always been respectable and kind to his family. When he said that, then I reacted, I said why?.. Be loving towards him. This is my first post and I'm really hoping for some advice. And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts. Whatever you do, don't meet this girl's bad behavior with more bad behavior. What's something fun that you and (your son) have done lately? Recently, her family has started coming after her for child support and her mother is entitled to this since she is caring for her kids. kirmizi biber substitute; medical kidnapping in florida; glucocorticosteroid vs albuterol for anaphylaxis During this time he started dating a woman he met online from another state who was pregnant with another man's child. If you've encouraged his free will and chosen your battles wisely, he'll more likely be receptive to your sincere input as an adult. Once she wormed her way in, she stopped respecting my wishes and started rebelling as well (probably my son's influence). Be sure that whatever you say is not your opinion but stick to facts. A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. I've never been invited into the house, I have to sit in the car on the side of the road. Talking to your son about sex is scary enough but talking to him about what and when it is okay to touch someone and when it's not can be even harder. ParentalQuestions.com is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com and its partnered brands/websites. My son who is still in college for another at least 3 yrs. How can a man, my son, allow someone to treat me as such and why is it acceptable to him? You might not like his decision. The McIlhenny family is . He has never been pressured to study anything he does not want to - made his own choices & is supported in his hobbies & passions; which she is not really supporting as they take time from her. In fact, shower your mother with lots of love and attention when your new wife is around so she will associate your wife with good times and loving feelings from her son. While I dont want to lose my son, I slso dont want to act like nothing ever happened by throwing out my beliefs and morals. Any questions that may come across as judgmental or accusatory. Son's Girlfriend: The Big Mistake You Need to Avoid. He is an adult and doesn't seem to be concerned about her sitting around smoking all day, not cleaning up or contributing to the bills. Your continuing negativity will force your son to decide between you and her. Ouch. original sound - Ryan The Lion. 210K views, 25K likes, 8.6K loves, 132K comments, 25K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Zion Prayer Movement Outreach: NIGHT OF OPEN HEAVEN (22ND APRIL,. Introducing your boyfriend to your parents is a nerve-wracking experience. Always have an open door to your home and heart. His roles and self-perceptions have changed. The first meeting was at a hotel because at the time my son was going through a series of tests for a career choice. It seems that the more I took his side or stood up for myself, I was no longer useful to either one. He owes his other brothers between the two of them close to 8,000! She talks about her own mother like she is trash and she is not. Then, you can continue to express the positives that your girlfriend adds to your life. I'm at a loss over what to do about my 23 year old son's older "fiance". The time to say your peace is before they reach the altar. she is very disrespectful called me a bitch to my face, has went off on me in my home, has called my husband a motherfucker to his face and has changed my son for the worse. Still, it would be best if you were careful about how you approach the matter. It actually felt good just to vent and get another opinion! He has not shared this information with me yet (only Dad supposedly knows). They come in and the girlfriend holds up a pregnancy test. Now I never see him or talk to him. I am a stepdad to an 18/19 yo son, and yes I do mean son, as that is how I see him, and not my stepson. "My fianc really respects you, mom, because you are so ____ and she needs a role model for that." Please advise. If he is okay with them, you should be too. During that time, my son was dating this new woman and she was still pregnant and also directly after the birth of her child. I have addressed this too asking him to look after his body as it also makes me very allergic when even clothing is brought into the house with nicotine traces. His Dad advised him that telling Mom doesnt necessarily mean acceptance from Mom on the relationship.I am really struggling with how to handle this! :). I would always take my sons side and this caused a rift between ALL of us. Explaining what abuse, assault, and rape really are can be confusing, but it is important for his life and the lives of the girls he meets. 248 likes, 36 comments - Natalie B. justice advocate (@natalie.kristeen) on Instagram: "I wasn't prepared for the grief or guilt as an adoptive parent. When he says he wants to go and live with his dad, don't panic and see this as a reflection . She pretends that she does not see me or ignores me. I feel bad about my son lying to me of her. At first we got along but then we discovered she steals thingsshe lies.and we no longer trust her in our home. They're just now experiencing some measure of independence. Is that what he wanted? I have gone out of my way and bent over backwards but yet I cannot understand her personality. This way, he can see you are not being mean or negative towards her in any way. He may feel awkward about being around her at the same time he is with his family. Just love your son so he will never forsake you for anyone. Explain to him how his girlfriend's behaviour is undesirable. You may want to introduce an activity that keeps them occupied instead of spending time with the manipulative partner. She then throws it down and says she was not pregnant. Although he denies it, I have read all through the text conversations they have had that proves it to be true and I have seen the ads of her soliciting sex with my own eyes. If its out of control, then you might want to keep them grounded for a while. Obviously, we must have a very different circle of friends, coworkers and relatives. She's nice before and always greet and smile to me whenever we meet. Unfortunately, your deeply in love son may not yet be in a position to differentiate an. Right now, you are being the major bump. I didn't want the idea of that girl always around my son she follows him everywhere! All I want is for my son to finish college first before getting into a relationship. No one likes to throw away love. All the smooth talks, creepy or stalking tendencies from their partner, are a sign of love. But both she and your son need help and together, the results of their relationship have gotten them cutting, threatening suicide, and landing in detention. Be sure in your letter to tell him that there always, always, always will be an open door to your home and heart for him. Once my son hit high school, my once sweet boy began having sex, smoking pot, and drinking. The 1st time I met her I went to shake her hand, limp wristed thing didn't even make eye contact. On the other hand, my father likes my girlfriend a lot, he even called me and recently told me that my girlfriend checked him when he was admitted to hospital. I asked my son if there's something between him and the girl, but he said they're just friends. Building bridges takes time. Please remember to keep everything positive and loving or your mother will accuse your new wife as the bringing of bad feelings or coming between mother and son. So when he graduated she "supported" him by prostituting I believe - because after I found out that she would be in my home whenever my husband and I were at work, I put him out. I asked my son again, if she is his girlfriend, and said, no! She has always made up some excuse except when Christmas camethen she wanted to go to the big family Christmas gathering. She's shy and has said she doesn't like how she looks, she doesn't like taking pictures is what she said. Because when she knows this, she'll do anything to make you happy in return even if that means accepting the new love of your life. Remember, if you read my above comments, you'll understand what I mean when I say, "Call to the kitten." One must choose wisely, and there is an old adage to "go into marriage with both eyes open. My son dated a young woman 4 years ago that my husband and I really disapproved of. I don't know if you read about my dream but the best thing you can do is to remind your son always about your love for him and that is a love that will never end or change. The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him. It sounds as though you've built your relationship on very solid foundational reasons for liking your girlfriend: she has amazing traits (kindness, humility) and she loves your children like her own. The cops that responded to her police call informed her that it was a civil matter. The right girl for him will love his family, too, because his family is a big part of him and who he is. The other day I ran into the mother of my middle son's former girlfriend. They moved near me with her baby was about 3 months of age. I feel about it! Be open to his girlfriend. Would you like to prove once and for all that parents know best? Have you ever been to (your family vacation spot)? He should be open to common sense. After 2 months I could not take it any more and told her that she had to leave. I tried to talk to my son several times but he brushed me off. He always say "no or I don't have girlfriend" whenever I ask him questions like that. I have been asking my son long before this day if he has girlfriend or if he likes someone so I would meet her to know more about her. You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. For the first 8 months we got along very well. Like taking my younger sons things and hiding them in her dresser, stupid things like his hair gel and she seems extremely jealous of my younger sons close relationship with Tyler. That is all he sees. If he wants private time with her which is an adult privilege, he needs to own up to that adult responsibility of having his own place. Ok, that was a year ago. (Of course, it wasn't always that way with my son whose gf needed a place to stay for a while but she wasn't a problem so I let my mandate slide.). Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on March 13, 2018: To Gigi: You've already done something that I wouldn't have done. Even if these feelings come from good intentions, mothers would be well advised to use care in their interactions with their childrens dates since it's possible for the relationship to become long-term. I guess what i am trying to tell you is don't do what i did and TELL him all the red flags you see. His Grandparents are elderly and it's unfair that they are having to go through this again. Come to find out, she worked at a cookie shop in the mall with my son's ex-girlfriend (who was very nice and we loved very much) .long story short - she began instigating throughout their break-up and laying it on really thick. The first two weeks of uni he is already not making lectures & wants to defer; he is already aware he is failing and needs to quit. That is all. The first relationship she tore apart was he and his 1st girlfriend. 2,799. His world will no longer revolve around her family's when you open your world up to include her. He pays them rent, buys all their groceries, makes the car payment(oh and both his name AND her Dad's name is on the title but my son said he is the one who makes the payment). Please let me know where you got your design. There is a social hierarchy with a code of acceptance or rejection. I can't support this relationship any more and he doesn't get it! Just emotionless responses or civil remarks. But those first loves are the hardest to get over. Please help me what to do! Not once did she bring her children and to be honest, she was not allowed. it really bothers the family cuz we thought we brought our son up with the understanding that family comes first that you never bring trash in your family and take up for your family! And her son came running home: Chimp Stealing Kitten Dream Interpretation, http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art30033.asp. They have been together for 6 years and recently bought their own house. He gets esteem from that. We are all heartbroken and only talk with him occasionally. You said you dont like your sons gf because shes childish, woooah! Last night, my son invited his father and I to their wedding! It has been a hard journey for me but now you have given me the hope on this and more importantly, actions to execute to ensure this does not get worse anymore. Address: 20 - 22 Wenlock Road, London, N1 7GU Say nothing critical or they will resent you. I was in the process of selling my house and relocating us. "The kids really love her." Anyway, at this time she is refusing to let me see my grandson. Unfortunately, your deeply in love son may not yet be in a position to differentiate an unhealthy relationship from a healthy one. Both eyes open, we told him, if he wanted to avoid heartache later. He has basically dumped his family. Then they had June exams, they are both in Matric and I had to start putting boundaries in place in which I told them that they can only see each other 1 day of the weekend until after exams. It is hard to teach young ones that breaking up feels bad but it is better than breaking up when there is so much more at stake such as divorce and children. But this article gave me too a different perspective. My son is mixed up with a true bitch! Believe me, he will want to hang onto that. Talk to him one-on-one. This is where all of your loving parenting in the past will be put to a test: Will he trust you over his girlfriend? He'd call in for a meal occasionally. If she heartlessly uses your sons emotions to make him agree to her terms. I have been helping my mom during this time. does not see any of these issues we are having with her, Love is blind I know. You can't help solve a problem until you know what it is. Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till 18. Seriously. I sent hours on my patio scraping the mildew off and letting it sit in the sun to kill off what I could. Enough is enough take the shit that you came which is nothing and leave. also, this girl has done some things that have been very disturbing as well, that would scare any mother. When is your birthday? Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content. Within 1 1/2 years, she has had five jobs. I messaged her and apologised twice and told her I was sorry and for the sake of my son please could we put all this misunderstanding behind us. My 17 year old son has been dating his girlfriend for a few months now, they were also friends for about a year or so prior. Always communicating and bonding with his siblings and grandparents. NOW is the time to be very, very careful in his choice. And that he will find it in his heart to forgive you for any mistakes you made as a mother because you only intended to raise him well. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and so she can continue being the sweet, considerate future daughter-in-law and melt away your mother's disapproval with kindness in time. It seems that you have raised a young man who is independent, open-minded, tolerant . Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on December 24, 2012: Don't make a big deal about their engagement. A son is a son until he takes a wife is an apt saying. The real issue is not about accepting your son's girlfriend, but rather accepting the choices that you as the parent make. I also would remind him that parents are the only sure relationship that would never end. We need to reflect on his relationship with his family prior to this relationship with this girl. Maybe she is a way for him to stand up to his parents even if in a subconscious way. It's clear our son spends a great deal of time and energy taking care of his girlfriend and making her feel secure and content, although she is rarely content for long. We expressed that it wasn't that we didn't like this girl as a person and that we understood that everyone is "broken" in some wayand some people are worth fixingand that everyone deserves to be lovedbut this woman needs to fit into his life, his lifestyle, which includes his family. Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. Your reasons are sound and valid from a parent's perspective, but in all honesty, you have to remember that he has a life of his own. Luckily she moved in with a mutual friend and the younger child. It sounds as though she has problems and your son might have his own self-esteem issues so that he feels better than she is, that he doesn't deserve better or that he can help/save her. And he replied, that's okay Mom since u like her (the girl) anyway! But he is happy, and you did not mention anything about the girl or her parents having a negative impact on your son's life or happiness aside from his not living the way you think he should. It was sudden. Break the ice with some funny family stories and invite her to share her own memories with your son. Then there was the mornings she would stay in bed and my son trying to wake her but she wouldn't get up. Non-critical. Our perspective is that you have your whole lieves ahead of you. I just saw that she was posting on his FB page different things that a gf normally would. Thanks very much! Say, "Mom, no other woman can take your place in my heart--ever." We just want him to have a healthy relationship that does include friends and other people rather than so wrapped up around this family with no responsibilities and can come and go as he pleases at their house. I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills. Needy Nellie. Telling your son that there will be other girls in his future won't help. What change they would like in their life at the moment. The right girl will bring more love and joy to the family as the family grows. How to Choose the Right Toddler Girl Outdoor Coat? He nearly married a girl who had mental issues to the point where she pulled a knife on him, a girl who only liked to party and didn't like or respect us, and a girl with a kid who he would support financially only to be usurped by her biological father who didn't pay a dime towards her support.
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